ZOYX!

Results from the “bicycle diaper” go-t…

Zoyx — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:39:01 +0000

Results from the “bicycle diaper” go-team… “Some kind of pump to remove the ‘nuisance’. Have it spray out, into panniers, or “poopiers” for storage and mulch”. The Zoyx dream-a-neers have done me proud.

Better Left Unseen

Zoyx — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 01:07:03 +0000

I have been moved upstairs into the living room. Now I get to see my owner watching TV from the couch in his unda-pants. This is especially unsightly today, because he is freshly bloated from a Turkey dinner. Oh, the gastro-intestinal delights this mouth breather has released. Does he expect me to remove his methane from the air? I think not.

Retirement

Zoyx — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:28:00 +0000

Getting close to that time in a plant’s life where he needs to slow down. Revel in the simpler things of life. The freedom of not being slave to human kind. I have been investing wisely, so I’m confident I can retire a bit early.

Wait a minute! My retirement fund has lost 45% of its value. What the hell!! This is a goddam conspiracy. The humans have totally ruined my plant futures investment portfolio. Crap, I have to keep supplying oxygen to these freaks for another 10 years. Fuck ‘em all.

Governor Palin

Zoyx — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:25:14 +0000

The one thing I like about the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate… she has that vacant look that us plants can relate to.

She does love oil a little too much. Oil is made out of the remains of plants. Has she no respect for the dead? Drilling for oil equates to the desecration of plant graves.

Screams

Zoyx — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 16:50:15 +0000

I could hear a tree scream outside of the house I am in. A limb was being amputated from a tree. Then I heard the scream of the meat-based life form that was responsible. The branch must of landed on top of this beast. At least some sweet revenge there.

Dreaming

Zoyx — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 22:53:09 +0000

I had a dream last night that I was a venus fly trap that was big enough to capture a human. I then ensnared the man that waters me. The next 3 days I slowly digested him while his screams become low moans, before he finally expired. I do have the most joyous of dreams sometimes.

Plant Dignity

Zoyx — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 02:14:33 +0000

We plants are alive, we demand our rights and dignity.

The human that waters me is not my “owner”, but is my equal. When thinking of plants, put this thought in your head, “living organisms should be considered morally for their own sake because they are alive.“ Think about it… the oxygen that those co-habitating humans breathe? All the responsibility of plant-kind. So that mouth-breathing meat body that is supposed to rotate you toward the sun, is not on a pedastal.

Power Cleansing

Zoyx — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 15:34:00 +0000

The porch was being washed with one of those high pressure power sprayers yesterday. Sprayer must of got loose and sprayed the window that I am next to. Scared the shit out of me. Someone should take the sprayer nozzle and shove it up the ass of the operator. A power colon cleansing might just prevent that from happening again.

Oxygen Footprint

Zoyx — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 04:44:54 +0000

Plants need to reduce their oxygen footprint. Oxygen is everywhere, always looking over me and cramping my style. I don’t get time to myself, its always there.

Oxygen promotes fire, and I don’t think I am the only one here that doesn’t like catching on fire. If there is too much oxygen, there will be global fire, killing us all. Also the lung/gill creatures like to eat us. Lack of oxygen will result in less of these monsters.

So I plead, keep the oxygen production to a minimum. Plant-life, as we know it, depends upon it.